Sunday, February 21, 2010

Registration Madness!!

This is my daughter...the one who plays basketball. She has a hundred sweatshirts like the one she is wearing. Most of them are black with a basketball on front...because she plays basketball:) This sweatshirt does not have a basketball on it. This sweatshirt is sporting hockey sticks!! What the heck!?! Well, this sweatshirt does not belong to her, it belongs to her new hockey player boy friend! Okay, I just found out that this hockey player boy is in ninth grade and is almost sixteen years old!!! Help me!! My kids are growing up and I am getting stressed! I told her that I want to meet this guy and that she needs to invite him over for dinner some weekend. She said that she would ask him and I am looking forward to meeting the young man who likes my daughter:) I think I liked it better when she thought that boys were gross:)
We have had a crazy weekend!! Kay had another basketball tournament and it was running non-stop. We drove to Rochester again for the second weekend in a row! We took our little guy with and hoped for the best. My four year old can handle one game but a full weekend packed with games is a little much for him. I was a super cool mom and played with him to keep him stimulated. We played animal wars with his animal toys and my favorite was playing with all of his Spiderman action figures:) We got home earlier this afternoon and we are all exhausted!!

I know that I have not posted in some time but we have been distracted with a few things. There is always some sort of drama with three kids and two of them being teenagers. My college boy is starting to worry me. He came home for Christmas break and was home for a month. When he was home he worked at his job almost every day and he spent alot of time with his friends. Something very sad happened his last weekend with us. It was his last Friday night with us and my hubby and I were already in bed, it was about 10:45 when the phone rang. As a mother I got nervous as soon as I heard the phone ring. I just had that, holy crap something is wrong feeling. It was my college boy and I could tell by the tone in his voice that something was wrong. He asked me if I was still up and I lied telling him yes. I asked him if something was wrong and he said that he would tell me when he got home and that he really needed to talk to me. Total panic set in!!! What could he possibly need to talk to me about? He came home about ten minutes later and walked through the back door. It looked like he had been crying and that is not like him. My college boy walked toward me and held out his arms saying, "Mom, J is dead! J killed himself last night!" Oh my God!! J was one of my son's best friends in high school. I just held my college boy as he cryed and shed large tears for one of his dear friends. I felt helpless and all that I could do was hold him and tell him that I was sorry!! I really had a hard time seeing my child in so much pain! My son told me that J was having problems with a girl and just felt down on his luck. It was a terrible thing to happen and the next few days were sad and challenging. My son is starting to have issues up at college. He is not focusing and his grades are dropping. I called him on Saturday night to talk to him and he sounded so depressed. I attempted to ask him what was wrong and he said, "Mom, just leave me alone...I really don't want to talk about it!" I backed off and told him that if he needed to talk that he could call me anytime. My husband and I think that he misses his friend and it is taking a toll on his normal day to day life. It is only natural for him to miss his friend but I worry about him:( The challenges of parenthood are taking a toll on me and I hope that I can pull it together soon!!
Now on to some lighter running news. I have been busy shopping! I have been shopping for spring races and have registered for several:)
1. Get Lucky! 7k on March 20
2. Run the Valley 10k on April 10
3. Earth Day Half Marathon on April 17
4. Get in Gear 10k on April 24
I have also registered for Grandma's Half Marathon lottery and will not find out if I get to run until March!! This is pretty exciting to have a few runs to get ready for!! Now all that I need is some nice weather and snow free running trails:) Also, my husband has talked me into taking golf lessons so that we can golf together. I am a terrible golfer!! I really suck at it but I have a great sense of humor and can laugh at myself!! My husband laughs at me too:) This is kind of exciting because we will be able to spend more time together. It is also very scary for me because I am afraid of not getting better and looking really stupid:) Oh well, it will be fun!! I hope that you all have an excellent week!!


  1. Oh Julie I am so very sorry for your son's loss. I know that there will be things that I have no control over in my boys lives that will break my heart and I hope that I can handle them gracefully. It is the worst to see our children suffer. Take care of yourself and try not to worry too much. Worry is like a rocking chair. It gives you something to do but gets you nowhere.
    How exciting on the races!! And Golf! I worked at a country club off and on for almost 10 years and never played!

  2. That is so sad. Sorry to hear this. You are in my thoughts. Keep up the running, that's one good way to handle the tough times.

  3. My wife is all about the sweatshirts. It would have to be well above 80 degrees for her not to wear a sweatshirt.

  4. Oh Julie! I am so sorry for your son's loss. It really is the worst feeling in the world not being able to just kiss a boo boo and make the hurt go away. You and your family are in my thoughts.

    How sweet about your daughter! I hope the young chap meets the expectations.

    Good luck with the Grandma's lottery. I have my fingers crossed for both of us. Maybe we will cross paths at one of these events.

  5. Continue to reach out to your son (as you seem to be doing). This is probably the worst time in his life that he can imagine. Perhaps talking to counselor at his college to speak with him. Maybe he would feel more confortable.

    As you know I am a youth minister and I have studied this in seminary. During this time your son will totally push you away, but really want you to be there for him. Maybe even put a little note in the mail to him saying something unrelated about the incident but just letting him know that you love him. Maybe a little package of his favorite junk food or something.

    Also, be sure to talk to your other children. If they know about this, it could be affecting them emotionally too.

    I do not want to see like a know it all, and please do not take it this way. It hurts my heart to hear of suicide, let alone in a child. I am sure you are doing your best and just being there is the most important thing to do.

    I am praying for all of you.

  6. I am sorry to hear about your son's friend. College is hard enough trying to get everything in your life together without loosing someone close to you.

    Excellent job on all the upcoming races. I am looking forward to the 7k too.

    Hang in there!

  7. Julie- Amazing post...I am very sorry for your son's loss I hope he can get his own life back soon...your daughter is darling! - D

  8. Hi Julie,
    I am so sorry to hear about your son's loss...suicide is such a sad and difficult thing to deal with. As a psychologist, I totally agree with Jen, you need to keep letting him know you are there (I like the care package idea), and talking with someone else (a counsellor or therapist) can also help, even if it's only once or twice. I also think it is important for all family members to be aware of what has happened and to be able to talk about it if needed. I'll be thinking of you...big hun (((())))

    I think it's so cool that your daughter has a new boyfriend, hopefully he passes the parent test :)

    Wow, so many races, you're a machine!! Can't wait to read all the recaps...I love race recaps.

    Hang in there mom...and btw I'm sure you'll improve at golf :)

  9. That would be big *hug* (((())))

  10. I am so sorry, that is sad. Sorry for your sons loss.

    Yes, nothing good comes from phone calls past 10pm

  11. I'm so sorry to hear that your son lost his friend. It sounds like you're handling it the right way, he probably has to sort it out himself, but I know you're going to worry anyway.

    I hope you get into the Grandma's run, I've heard its a great time.

  12. So sorry to hear such sad news. With 3 kids you literally have something (read drama) going on all the time, huh?
    You are a racing machine! Can't wait to hear about each of them!

  13. Julie,
    I am so sorry for your son's loss, and for yours too because it seems that any child's good friend is a close to the parents as well. I hope that your son can take some time and then refocus.

    I hope you get into Grandma's Half!! I've always wanted to run Grandma's.

  14. As a 3x soccer parent, I can commiserate with the challenges of tournaments and young kids! Truly, it is a blessing and has win-win written all over it for the kids!

    My heart goes out to your son and his friends and their families. Life is truly a gift, and who's to say what is right for one person isn't what's right for everyone else? He needs to not waste his gift.

    Good luck with the golf lessons. It might help if you drink lots of beer... :-D

  15. You won Adam's contest! Had I know it was a random number draw I would not have tried so hard.. hee hee. Congrats:)

  16. Julie - So sorry to hear about your son's loss. As a parent I woul also be concerned about what be may be going through at school. We had a similar experience with my daughter culminating in her need to get medical attention for clinical depression. I cannot stress how important it is for you as a parent to stay on top of his situation and be ready to step in and intervene, even if he does not ask for the help. Feel free tk email me at gjhome00 at gmail dot com of you want to discuss this.

    It took almost two years of drugs and therapy, but my daughte put herself back together and is now thriving. I'm just relieved my wife and I saw the signs and took the proactive steps necessary, including pulling her out of school before it was too late.

  17. This is very sad Julie - you are doing the right thing, and he will come around. Tough though - it never is easy being a mom.

    On the good side, the races sound like fun.

  18. Julie I am so sad to hear about your son and his loss. I hope he can talk to someone and work through things. My wife is a therapist so I understand the importance of this needed communication.

    On a lighter note, The races sound like a great motivator. I hope you get into the Grandma's 1/2.

  19. Julie, I am so sorry for your son's loss. We lost a boy here at the high school I teach in the same way for the same apparent reason (though we all know there's deeper problems and this latest one just caused J to snap) a couple weeks ago. The kids here are so distraught; it's as much a tragedy for them! Keep checking him daily and make sure he's doing "okay." My heart truly goes out to him...and your entire family!

    My college daughter has found the social aspect of college are pretty dang fun. Ironic cuz she never did anything in h.s. and our goal for her in college was to experience everything it had to offer, including friends and all the social aspects. Well, careful what you wish for. She now has a bf, who is really very nice, but eeks, I wasn't prepared for all the drama that comes with it. Ha! She told me last night, "I can't afford to skip this class anymore, I am way too far behind." Um, hello!!! I'm PAYING for that education - go to class!! Arghhhh!

    Your races sound like so much fun. I did a boat load of races last year (17) and they just kept me moving and motivated and accountable....this year I do not have the funds to do them so I'll live vicariously through yours. Hope you get into Grandma's - I hear that's an awesome one!!

  20. Oh no! My thoughts are with your son. College is tough enough to figure out, let alone losing your best friend. He might be frustrated with you now, but he will appreciate that you are there for him. He will come around :)

    On a side note, the races sound great! I love signing up for new events!!

  21. I am so sorry to hear about your son's loss. It is incredibly heartbreaking to see the despair and desperation so many people, young and old, experience. I wish I could just reach out and take it away. We all experience "down" times over the course of our lives - we just have to remember that life is always worth living, no matter how bumpy and seemingly hopeless or treacherous the road seems to get. There is always hope. Remind your son of his priceless value regardless of how he might feel right now and keep up the communication.

    I agree with you -I think I would prefer that my daughter (if I had a daughter!) would continue to think boys were gross for just a few more years! Kids grow up so fast - I'd like them to be innocent kids for as long as possible - they have a whole lifetime to be grown-up!!!

    Have a great week and keep up the great work with your training, racing, and juggling your household!

  22. So sorry about your son's friend.

    I'm doing the Earth Day 1/2 too . . . I've done it the last two years - it is a fun race!

  23. Oh, Julie, I am so, so sorry to hear about your son's friend. wow.
    Suicide is just plain awful, and it is going to really affect your son, whether he realizes it or not. As a former school counselor, I want to really stress to continue reaching out to him, even when he's saying 'Mom, leave me alone!' I would also look into what grief services are available at his college and contact those for support for both him and you as his mom. And allow yourself those therapeutic runs girl;-)

  24. I am so sorry for your son's loss! He's lucky to have a great Mom like you for support. That's too cute about your daughter and her boyfriend - she's really cute!

  25. Hi Julie,
    I feel for you and your family, especially your son. He's trying to find his way and then to hear such devastating news is just so tough. From my experience with my own College Boy AND a mom of a teenager daughter who has grown up ALOT...listen and bite your tongue. Listen, listen, listen. Hugs and then listen some more. Be present and grateful for your kids as I know you are.
    Hugs to you too!

  26. Oh man, what an awful thing for your son to have to go through. Suicide is never an easy thing to deal with. You always wonder if you could have done more. My cousin committed suicide on my (first) wedding night and it was devastating. Hang in there, it's tough, but he'll get through it.

    OMG, on your daughter having a boyfriend! My daughter still doesn't like boys. (I know she really does, but I am trying to ignore this fact).

    Hugs to your whole family. Good luck with the Grandma's lottery!

  27. Apparently, my 12 year old has a boyfriend as well. Who has boyfriends at 12???? Fortunately she's far too busy to ever see him outside of school so I think I'm safe for a little!!

    So sorry about your son. I am not looking forward to dealing with my kids and those types of situations. I'm a fix it person and it's gonna kill me when I can't fix it.

    Laughing about the golf. My husband loves to golf. We have a huge yard and he has 4 holes and grooms and mows the stupid thing nonstop. I am a terrible golfer! He tried to teach me but as much as I love him the only thing I could envision on the T was his head! I do NOT like sports I'm not good at. I've decided the funnest part of golf is drinking in the clubhouse!!

    Nice race schedule. Good luck with the Grandma's lottery!!

  28. Geez Julie...I didn't realize all that craziness is happening to you and your boy. So sorry to hear about that. Do you know any of his roomates/friends at his college? It's such a tough situation. I went through it with my parents when I was in college and my little brother is actually a senior in college now so I can relate a little bit. Hope everything works out for your son.

    Moving on...

    It's great you got a few races to look forward to. I think it's always necessary to have those to keep the motivation. I'm trying to get some of my friends who have been hibernating all winter to sign up for races's not going so well on my end, but I'm trying.

    And golf? Accckkk, I can't play at all. So you've already got a leg up on that over me!

    Have a great week!

  29. What a horrible thing for your son to have to go through... especially when he doesn't really have a moment to process it all since college is so demanding. It says a lot about your son, you, and your relationship that he felt comfortable enough to come to you when he was broken-hearted. That didn't happen on accident... it shows how much he trusts and needs you. So, keep showing your love and availability and hopefully he'll stop pushing you away and find time to work through his grief.

    Now, on a happy note... congrats on all the races you've planned! So motivating!

    Your daughter is beautiful, by the way. I hope her boyfriend is deserving and treats her well!

    Also, when you have the time maybe you can text me your address. The email thing doesn't seem to be working. :) 760-884-9567

  30. I am so sorry to hear of your son's loss. Such a sad thing and no one should ever have to go through such a loss.

    On a lighter note, your race schedule looks great!

  31. So sorry to hear about your son's friend. Sometimes there just aren't any right words to help a hurting loved one, but being available in case they need to talk may be just what they need.

  32. What a heartbreaking sorry for you all. It always gets me when tragedy strikes at that age b/c I would guess most parents think they can sigh a bit of relief when the kids go off to college. But we're never finished being a parent and worrying about them, are we?

  33. I'm so sorry for your son, Julie. It's so devastating. It must be so heartbreaking to see your child in such pain. The same thing happened to my brother his freshman year of college- he was away with his sports team at a training camp when he got the phone call that his best friend had shot himself. Of course, he took it really hard. I'll be thinking of you and your family.

  34. Oh, Julie, this is so sad. Hopefully your son finds a way to process this by talking to some common friends who knew J. Perhaps you could suggest that to him? Boys in particular tend to isolate and not talk about things like this, which is not helpful in the long run.
    Good luck with everything

  35. I'm so sorry for your son's loss. I hope that he is able to get through this time with your families love and support. Good luck with the golf. It will be fun to do something as a couple. Take care.

  36. Oh Julie, what a horrible thing for a young person to have to go through; I can't even imagine. It sounds like your son can talk to you and that this good. Keep the lines of communication open and be there for him.

    Try to keep yourself focused and try to get your runs in, it will help a lot.

    Congrats on getting all of those races on your calendar; isn't it a great feeling?

  37. Hi Julie! I tried to comment yesterday, but the interweb crashed on me! I feeling was feeling for your son and prayed for him last night. What a hard loss, I am praying that he would not let the grief overtake him, but will talk to you guys and turn to you, it sounds like he did that first night. I just know it will all work out. Kind of makes me look at the week or month or day I had and think, a lot of people had really bad days, makes me be thankful for all I have. You are so positive and always so bright here and when you visit my blog, I am thankful for you Julie!!

  38. Julie - that was probably hard to post and am very sorry your son is going through something like this. He is very lucky he has your love and support!

  39. I have no words that can comfort or give advice. That is tough.

    On a bright note, you are going to be a racing machine!!! 3 races in April!? That is awesome.

    BTW - You still need to email me your address for your waterbottle!

  40. Hi Julie, my heart breaks for your son and his loss and my heart aches for you as a parent. It is so hard on us to see them in pain when we can't put a bandaid on their owie and make it all better for them - being there for him is all you can do :) I know that when life has gotten me down and concerned friends and family ask questions - I often do not like to talk about stuff because I think about that crap all day long. I can really get snappy. Know that it is not you, nor is it your concern that makes him snappy - he knows you care and you are there for him. That? Makes all the difference even if no words are spoken or topics discussed. There is always somewhere to go.

    As for your daughter and boys clothing - ack!! I am paying attention now - I have an 11 year old who still thinks boys are gross and a 12 year old son who is starting to like girls more than friends and it freaks me green!!


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